One of my dearest friends is a hoarder. He is gentle, kind, thoughtful, funny, and very unable to let go of his junk. For him, of course, that is because it is not junk. We tried to do a yard sale of all his stuff earlier this year and after weeks of work involving a small army of his loved ones, we raised all of $300. This to my mind proved that his big house-load of stuff was junk, but that reasoning does not work on him. This is because for him it could all come in useful one day, either for himself or for someone who really needs a toy plastic truck or box of expired cereal.
And I know that feeling. I have also found it hard to let go of things that have no earthly value, let alone spiritual value. Last Christmas my boyfriend and I had to move out of our apartment in the space of a week as we were both jobless and suddenly rootless.
I was dreading packing up the house and finding homes for all our stuff. But he has always liked the idea of traveling light, preferably with just two suitcases, and found it liberating to just let it all go… That attitude was infectious and we had one of the nicest Christmas days choosing and packing up about 70 gifts for our friends from amongst our possessions.
Hoarders feel a sense of loss parting with insignificant possessions, such as old newspapers or deceptively glossy magazines. But it is a question of degree. I realized that a lot of my possessions are yesterday’s news too, I don’t really need them today, someone else could get a lot more out of them. Attachment is a mind that believes happiness inheres in external objects (or people). But one man’s treasure is another man’s junk. I would gladly pay someone to cart away my friend’s stuff so that he could actually move around in his house again (but dealing with strong attachment is clearly not as easy as that, as any hoarder or their family will tell you.)
Attachment and clinging are painful states of mind, but an effective way to counteract them is to practice giving things away. Just doing it, starting small as needs be. What I discovered about even some of my more “precious” objects is that once the object was given, any pain evaporated, partly as it is hard to miss something you were not using! It is sometimes more the idea of the object that enthralls us than the object itself. Get rid of the object, hopefully the idea quickly fades…
But attachment and clinging are strong habits, so unless we do give a little regularly to counteract these, we might find ourself with a little bit of a hoarder’s mentality ourself…
Still, as for my loyal friend, when I needed somewhere to stay for a few months, he accomplished the remarkable task of clearing out half his house for me to live in. His unselfish love overcame his hoarding instincts, and was an inspiration. Someone else needs a place to stay now, and he is in the process of clearing a space for him. The trick will be, I can see, to make sure there is always someone in his life who needs a place to stay!