Humbled by their humble nature

Does how we view others come down to what we want out of life?

If our main interest is in worldly enjoyments and achievements – for example we crave wealth or accolades – others can be in our way because they seem to be the competition or taking up our resources. There is only so much pie to go around, and we’ll develop attachment for those who help us get it and irritation for those who seem to stop us getting it.

On the other hand, if what we want is deep change inside, to become a better, kinder, more loving, happier, and freer person, and even enlightened, how does that change our way of looking at other people? Are they still in our way?! Probably not. As Venerable Geshe Kelsang says:

For a practitioner of training the mind, all sentient beings are equally precious, both because they are immensely kind and because they act as supreme objects for developing and increasing his or her spiritual realizations. ~ New Eight Steps to Happiness 

If we want to be more patient and someone says something disrespectful, for example, are they in our way? No, quite the opposite, they are providing us the opportunity to do and get what we want, which is to be more patient. If we want to become more generous and someone demands something from us, are they sucking up our resources? No, they are giving us the inner wealth of generosity. If we want to grow our kindness and someone is inconveniently homeless outside the tube station, is that them just spoiling our fun and making us feel bad such that we have to ignore their plight, harden our heart, and move swiftly on? No, they are giving us the priceless gift of compassion.

So, depending on what we want out of life, people can be either a nuisance or of tremendous value. Indeed, they are priceless if we want enlightenment. For more on that, check out this article: The gift that keeps on giving. 

Love is a choice

In general, nothing is fixed – everything depends on our thoughts, and our thoughts are free. If we know how, we can change our thoughts – meaning we have a choice about how we see others. It is not up to them but up to us.

Some ways of viewing others are conducive to pain and other ways are conducive to happiness. If we see others as annoying and in our way, we will be annoyed with them and thereby lose our peace of mind. If we see others as valuable in helping us to get to where we need to be, we will appreciate them, love them, and want to help them back. Happiness and suffering are states of mind that depend upon how we perceive, understand, and experience other people, and we can, if we want to, come to experience them completely differently.

It’s in this context that I want to talk about the value and strength of humility. The walking monks ignited awe and changed hearts, I think, because they reminded people of this truth: that the peaceful practice of humility can give us everything we really want deep down in our hearts. (If you haven’t heard of the Peace Monks, check out this excellent guest article: Walk for Peace.)

Stand in awe

Whenever I associate with others,
May I view myself as the lowest of all. ~ Eight Steps 

If I’m feeling disgruntled or disrespected, the chapter on humility in The New Eight Steps to Happiness helps me get over myself and feel happier. Standing in awe rather than being all caught up in ourselves apparently always makes us happier, even according to psychosocial studies, such as the one described in this Atlantic article: How to be less self-centered. Alanis Morrisette sings:

I am fascinated by the spiritual man.
I am humbled by his humble nature.

To me, this describes the effect that the peace monks had on their walk across America. In these fractious and fractured times, when a lot of people seem to be trying to make a splash by bigging themselves up, revving others up through their loudness, or insisting on being heard and obeyed, these monks showed that the way to really affect others, especially if we actually want to help them, is through love and humility.

It reminds me of Aesop’s fable when the North Wind and the Sun compete over who is the more persuasive, agreeing that whoever gets a traveler to take off his coat first wins. The North Wind blows fiercely and icily, but this simply causes the miserable traveler to wrap his coat more tightly around himself. Then the Sun shines gently and warmly, whereupon the traveller happily removes his coat.*

The walking monks could change hearts in a way politicians, for example, find hard to do, because they weren’t asking anyone to join a side – they were just encouraging people to remember their own innate goodness. Their message wasn’t wrapped in slogans, power, or a hunger for applause, but embodied in discipline, steadfastness, selflessness, and love. Politicians often demand attention and allegiance because their influence depends on winning, controlling, and being believed, which of course can feel like an ongoing and ultimately unwinnable battle. These monks on the other hand managed to influence thousands of people because they didn’t require anything from them.

If we have humility, we have inner peace. If we have inner peace, we are happy and fulfilled, meaning that we don’t need to seek attention or fulfillment from anyone else. Paradoxically, people trust us more. People were always very happy to help Venerable Geshe-la, for example. “Humbled by his humble nature” also perfectly describes Geshe-la, Trijang Rinpoche, Je Tsongkhapa, Atisha, Buddha, and too many other holy Buddhist monks and nuns to count. And countless humble lay practitioners as well, living their lives in service to others, never drawing attention to themselves and just getting on with it. These kinds of practitioners – in all traditions – provide an important counterpoint to pride and egotism, including our own, if we have any. For, as Venerable Geshe-la says:

In general we would all prefer to enjoy high status and a good reputation, and we have little or no interest in being humble.

 Three reasons to choose humility

There are three reasons why mind-training or Lojong practitioners try to practice humility, helpful for anyone to contemplate, explained just beautifully in Eight Steps. Here’s some of my take on these.

1. We are not using up our merit on worldly attainments but saving it for inner realizations

Point is, we only have a limited supply of good karma at the moment, so we cannot afford to throw it away on pride, attachment, or arrogance. If we are using any attainments, resources, or reputation to help others, fair do’s – that’s great because, as Geshe-la says, Lojong practitioners for all their humility:

… will nonetheless accept whatever social position enables them to benefit the most sentient beings.

This next line in particular struck me given the current climate with all these so-called “strong men” trying to dominate our world (like the North Wind):

Even if he were to become a king [the Lojong practitioner] would consider all his wealth as belonging to others, and in his heart would continue to view others as supreme.

If the uber wealthy and powerful shared just a fraction of this non-deluded worldview, our world would be in a very different state. Literally everything we have and enjoy does in fact come from others, so this is a fair and accurate perspective, which is why it makes us happy.

 With humility, we actually have a lot of self-confidence. This is because real confidence is based not on a false sense of self, puffed up by pride, but on a realistic recognition of our indestructible, peaceful Buddha nature and spiritual potential. As Shantideva says in Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life:

Anyone who is governed by the view of self-importance
Is under the influence of delusion, not self-confidence.
Such a person has succumbed to the enemy of the self-important view,
Whereas one with self-confidence has not.

We have that saying, “pride always comes before a fall”. That is both in the short term because within a few months or years we are bound to come crashing down. But also karmically, as Shantideva says:

Those who are inflated by the deluded view of self-importance
Will be reborn in the lower realms;
And, if they later take rebirth in a human form,
They will be poor and miserable, like slaves eating others’ food.

Shantideva wasn’t one to mince his words. Good to remember, though, that he’s asking us to overcome our own enemy of pride, using these teachings as a mirror rather than a magnifying glass onto other people’s faults:

So-called ‘tough people’ who are puffed up with pride
Are also counted among the self-important –
Who could be more pathetic than they are?

Although I do have an unfortunate tendency to get irritated by arrogant people, when I remember all of this I know that the only reasonable response is compassion.

I will get to the next two reasons soon.

(*Here in the Lake District, attending lovely teachings at Manjushri Kadampa Meditation Centre, this fable came alive – yesterday I kept my coat zipped right up against the February wind, but today I gladly took it off to sit in rare sunshine.)