We make up our own storyline as we go along. So we might as well make it a good one.
I just heard that our two $700 bicycles that I ride all the time have been stolen. The upstairs tenants left them unlocked in the front yard. (I’m property manager but away at the moment).
I know straightaway that these things happen all the time – that things appear and disappear, even every moment. The bikes appeared out of nowhere in the first place, someone generously gave them to us when they left the area.
Inappropriate attention v appropriate attention
But my initial response is nonetheless one of disappointment followed fast on its heels by its best friend annoyance. And I can easily increase both these states of mind if I want to, for example by dwelling on detailed memories of the red and blue bikes with their cute convenient little key holders, the perfect distance between the seat and the handlebars, the 21 gears, the way I could sail up and over the bridge…. and how that is now all gone!! And the greater the disappointed lather I work myself up into, the greater the annoyance at Irena and the other Russian tenants who’ve ruined my fun: “I never said they could use those bikes! What were they thinking?! How careless!! How can we get $1400 out of them?” And kicking myself too for good measure: “You idiot, why did you trust them with the shed key in the first place?”
The definition of delusion is:
“A mental factor (state of mind) that arises from inappropriate attention and functions to make the mind unpeaceful and uncontrolled.”
(You can find out everything you need to know about delusions and how to get rid of them in Joyful Path of Good Fortune.)
With the delusion of anger (including aversion, annoyance, irritation, resentment etc), we pay inappropriate attention by mentally exaggerating the seeming bad qualities of a person or object until we consider it undesirable and become antagonistic and averse, wanting to push it away or even harm it/destroy it.
There are so many ways in which inappropriate attention can run riot and take down our peace of mind! And within that inappropriate attention is a corresponding editing out of anything that inconveniently contradicts it e.g. the good qualities of Irena. Appropriate attention could be thoughts like: “This same Irena is looking after my feral cat Korska, who now apparently loves her and whom she even named, she empties all the smelly trash cans, she waters all my newly planted flowers, she spent ages trying her healing techniques on little Ralph… she’s actually a good person and probably feels bad about the bikes herself.” But annoyance doesn’t want to think about any of that stuff because it commits hari kiri if it does.
We choose what we focus on. And Irena only annoys me if I focus on her seeming bad qualities, not if I don’t.
We can find plenty of things to annoy us every day of our lives (and being currently in England, the land of the Daily Mail, reminds me how superbly daily tabloids can tap into our potential for whininess.) Alternatively we can choose to follow any number of positive lines of thought and deeper meanings, like those explained in Buddha’s teachings. For example, when something is stolen from us we can practice patience by remembering karma and impermanence, or what a downer attachment is and how great it is to live lightly, or compassion for those who have lost far more than a bicycle in the recent tornadoes in southern US, or the children in the horn of Africa who desperately need our attention, or how there is no point giving people a hard time when life is hard enough already, etc. I can even mentally give the bikes away so that the (quite possibly homeless) person who stole them doesn’t incur negative karma, advice I magnanimously gave to someone else just weeks ago 😉
After all, the bikes are gone whether I choose to get disappointed and annoyed or not, and so the disappointment and annoyance solve nothing.
I have this theory that if you’re going to get your perspective back sooner or later anyway, you may as well skip out the annoying bit in the middle. We can hold onto certain things for years (our anger turning into the even worse delusion of resentment) due to stuck-record inappropriate attention, but don’t you find that we usually get bored of our negative thoughts sooner or later and end up dropping them? For example, what were you annoyed about this time last month, or last year? Can you even remember? And will the stealing of the bikes be any more than an anecdote in a matter of months, weeks, or even days?
There were two kids at Madhyamaka Centre long ago, brothers Edmund and Tamlin, who’d play with a third kid called Stephen, who was a bit of a handful. One day they fell out very badly with him and didn’t want to talk to him ever again.
They tell me this, so I test out my theory on them: “Have you ever liked Stephen in the past, like yesterday for example did you play with him?” They consider this for a moment, then: “Yeah”. “Can you see a time when you might like to play with him again in the future, for example if he lets you use his space cowboy gun?” Pause while they think about this. “Errr, yeah, probably.” “How about then just saving time and energy by liking him now as you’re going to end up liking him again anyway?”
They both got it. They nodded their heads and laughed, and the three of them were playing again that very afternoon.
So, who is Irena? — the warm smiling woman who risks life and limb to stroke Korska or the woman chatting carelessly to her friends while she goes inside leaving our $700 bikes unattended? Do I waste mental energy and time itemizing her faults or do I recall how much easier she made my life by taking on my property manager responsibilities? Stand up the real Irena! But the fact is she cannot because nothing and no one exists independent of mind. Can you point to a world outside of your experience of the world? Where is it? And the world we experience is the world we are focusing on.
Thinking differently is not that hard once we decide to do it. You might be objecting: “But I can’t help feeling disappointed and annoyed when things don’t go my way!” But I reckon you can. If I can, you can. We all can. Start with small annoyances and work your way up. If you want to do it, there are a gazillion enjoyable ways to do it.
Well, dear reader, guess what? I have just heard that it was their own bikes that the Russians left in the front yard, not ours, thus rendering all those mental acrobatics unnecessary. But I’m putting up this article anyway because they still happened and so I can now use this article to also underscore another point: Many of our objects of disappointment, anger and annoyance, major or minor, do not have even the slightest basis of imputation to begin with e.g. imagined slights, fear of future unlikely events, etc, yet the deluded thought processes are the same.
‘I can even mentally give the bikes away so that the (quite possibly homeless) person who stole them doesn’t incur negative karma, advice I magnanimously gave to someone else just weeks ago 😉’
Made me laugh a lot. 😀 We can be so good at offering Dharma teachings to others but harder when it is directly related to us. Self-cherishing is like a telescope isn’t it, magnifying everything that happens to us.
Lovely advice to those 3 boys, I will remember that.
Thank you ❤️
I remember when my first bike was stolen the day i got it as a present, long, long time ago… and i cried like a baby… but i got better, when my grandmother told me, that i had to have a lock for the second bike, that hopefully was coming… yes, we can create ‘A storm in a tea cup’, but I agree that we should make up our own ‘Storyline a good One’, Thank you Luna,for this article…
Once again you’ve managed to somehow touch on something I’m dealing with in my own life. You’ve been able to do this rather frequently. Thank you for always knowing what we/I need.
Hi Luna, great article, we do this so often even about what someone may say in the future, then they don’t!
Was wondering if you could explain how you can decrease someone elses negative karma if they have already had the mental intention to steal the bikes please? Thanks x
Thank you for asking. If the bike is freely given, they are not performing the actual complete action of stealing it as the object doesn’t belong to someone else. Complete actions are explained in Joyful Path if you want to know more.
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Simply “beautiful” and thank you, thank you, thank you for these beautiful teachings.
🙂 Thanks Jane.
Brilliant article on the bikes. Loved the ending! So relevant to so much of what I go through. Thankyou for that.
Yeah, I liked the ending too 😉
Absolutely. The postscript was like the universe helping you prove your point. 🙂
Really, are those angry minds worth th effort?
Thanks Luna, gave me chills (good ones). Simple yet profound. Let’s practice.
Gotta do it sooner or later…
Such a perceptive article! You show again how to apply Dharma to our everyday experiences. Thanks Luna!
Thank you too for your great blog: http://www.dailylamrim.wordpress.com
I really needed to read that. Been doing some pointless dwelling, time to let it go.
Thank you x
Glad to be of some help.
I love ur article being it is thorough and encompassing! I m christian but tha just tell me to observre u and appreciate u!
Keeep up and god be with u!
Thank you for your comment Mich, I appreciate it.
thanks for posting this story, Luna.It is amazing what delusions do to us all the time… Maybe if I am more aware of their existance I can change my way of thinking? Or not think about it, just accept the facts?
yes, first step is identifying the delusions in our mind, and recognizing them for what they are = trouble!
I once walked out of the Drolma Kadampa Buddhist Center, back when it was in Wilton Manors, to discover that my car had been burglarized. First, let me say that so many people were so kind to give up their own participation in the evening’s programs to help me call the police and sort everything out. I was truly overwhelmed by how unselfish everyone was, sharing their umbrellas and blankets as we waited in the rain.
This was the first time in my life that I can remember instantly forgiving whoever the perpetrator was. Having your car broken into is a horrible experience, but I realized the experience was going to be a lot worse if I focused on the negative. Even when the Wilton Manors Police Department refused to really investigate, I remained calm. I had car insurance, and only material items were lost. This event happened on a Friday. By Monday, absolutely everything that needed to be was repaired and/or replaced. People looked at me like I was crazy when I told them how easy the whole experience was, but I know that the reason everything turned out to be so “easy” was because I had the right mental attitude.
Thanks for sharing this blog entry. Even though your bikes turned out not to be stolen, the points you make are things that people need to hear.
Thanks for sharing this story, it’s a really good example.
I’m so glad that I found this blog- it’s so incredible!!! Thank you so much, it is so kind of you to write these posts. <3 <3 <3
I’m really glad you like it! Thank you.
A wonderful post as always, many thanks for sharing x
Thank you. I like your blog too, do keep it up! 😉
Inspiring! Last night I lost something precious too. But that’s the way life is. Impermanence is a reality we’ve distanced ourselves from specially because the amount of time and energy we put in to acquire material stuff. Thanks to these small losses that remind us of the transient nature of everything material.
Very good point. Thank you.
aint that life… ha ha
A very good read-and I am sharing it with my clients. Thank you.