Equalizing self and others is cherishing others as much as we cherish ourselves.
Just as I wish to be free from suffering and experience only happiness, so do all other beings. In this respect, I am no different from any other being; we are all equal. ~ The New Meditation Handbook
Snowflakes
We are like a snowflake. Sure, no two snowflakes are exactly alike, but it is also pretty hard to tell them apart. In the ways that count most, they are practically indistinguishable – they are made of ice and air, they are bound to perish sooner or later, and on their own will perish even faster for they cannot survive on their own. In the same way, we pride ourselves on our uniqueness, and our own problems and suffering are just that much more interesting than everybody else’s; but when it comes right down to it we are far more similar to others than different. We are made of flesh and blood, we are bound to perish sooner or later, and we cannot survive on 
Imagine one little snowflake putting up its hand and declaring, “Hey, look at me! I’m special! I look like intricate lace!” And another goes, “No, look at me, I look like a flower!” And a third chips in, “That’s nothing, I look like a pointy star!” In a white blanket of snowflakes, they are all equally important or unimportant. No objective judge is going to say that one snowflake is superior to another, or more unique, or more deserving of happiness.
In meditation I sometimes imagine an alien coming down to earth and seeing millions of people all with their hands up, “Hey, look at me! I’m special.” As far as the alien is concerned, we are all the same. Let alone the aliens, as far as everyone else is concerned we alone are not the real deal. It is only our own self-cherishing that thinks otherwise.
Everybody without exception wants to be happy – I mean look at this world, how many are we, six, seven billion?, anyway, lots, and that’s just the humans, there’s all the animals too. There are so many — countless — living beings, and if we look into the heart of every single one of them, whether they are the good guys or the bad guys, without exception they are all yearning for happiness. But basically, more or less without exception, they are NOT experiencing enough happiness! There is a lot of pain right now in this world, isn’t there? And I think it’s very clear that our ordinary methods of striving for happiness aren’t working particularly well – and if we can’t see that, then it could be because we’re not looking.
What is love?!
I think we are all definitely interested in love, and we have this idea that if I am to be happy, if I am to have fun and meaning, I need love. But generally speaking in the West we also have this idea that in order to have love you have to fall into it. Which involves a lot of dating in the hope that somewhere along the line we will fall into it, and then have it, and then as a consequence be happy. But there are problems with that perspective, as you may have guessed.
One being that we don’t really understand what love is – “Oh, I’m feeling something, is it love?! I don’t know! What’s going on?! Love’s a mystery! Man, why does it have to hurt like this?” A backdrop to our scheming, indulging, and recovering, we play endless songs about “love”, trying to figure it out yet again as our heart is yanked up and down like a yo yo. So from a Buddhist perspective there is a basic confusion between love and attachment. Attachment is a delusion yanking our heart and causing pain, but love is a peaceful, positive, warm mind that opens our heart to greater and greater happiness and bliss. One of the kindest things Buddha did for us is point out the many differences between them.
Scratch my back
The affectionate love that comes from equalizing is not conditioned by what the other person looks like, what they say, 
In other words, it’s all about ME! I’m judging my reality and discriminating between people based on ME. That guy is a great guy, he makes me happy. That guy bores me silly, he’s a boring guy. It’s like we become a universal arbiter of reality: “You want to have the real load on reality, you come to me cos I say it straight – this is a good person and this is a bad person (or, ermm, at least this person was a good person until they became a bad person …) etc.” It is all based on ME. “What have you done for me lately?” This self-focus and self-concern and self-obsession is self-cherishing. It’s a pain. Thankfully it is totally undermined by equalizing self and others.
Everyone needs Dharma
That is why Dharma means, literally, “protection”, ie, protection from suffering. And this Dharma of equalizing self and others, which anyone can try out, I believe always has the power to solve unpeaceful feelings, my actual problems. At least it seems to work whenever I bother to do it 😍
Over to you ~ do you have familiarity with this meditation? Do you have, or have you overcome, any difficulties in doing it?
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11 Comments
I reckon its like this. If you only see one snowflake as beautiful then basically you are seeing a trillion snowflakes as worthless. That trickles down and you will never truely believe any snowflake is precious including you own snowflake…………
Its like if you spent all day belittling snowflakes..how can you see your snowflake as special..it just wont work. The end outcome is that you will see yourself and all living beings in a bad way.
I think a big part of why we just focus on one thing at the centre and say that one thing is all I care about…..is because that requires the least effort and is the most simple and minimal approach to things. That what we need to get around if we want to get out of this egocentric view. If we make it very easy and simple to hold a view cherishing others it will work. For example if we tried to study each individual snowflake appreciating each ones unique qualities we would probably become tired quite quickly. But if we simply understand that all snowflake are beautiful and equal to each other we can value all of them with very little effort.
‘We become a universal arbiter of reality’ Brilliant. I need to hold this in my heart before I jump into arguments about politics!
As much as we practice and no matter how profound, it is always helpful to be reminded of the basics, especially when articulated so clearly and optimistically. Thank you.
I love the image of the fortress with the draw bridge and the massive walls to represent the mind of SELF-CHERISHING. Equalizing self with others is such a profound concept because we are so conditioned in our ordinary world to seek out our own uniqueness, our ‘voice’ and to stand out in the world. It often leads people to stand out in the wrong way and somehow they get rewarded for it. We glorify the life styles of the rich and famous and wish we too could live behind high walls and take hostages for our loved ones. The concept of ‘healthy boundaries’ is so misunderstood. In my opinion, healthy boundaries is Dharma. It is a living, breathing wisdom that acts like a filter or a mesh for our delusions. This is protection. When we are in danger of becoming deluded, the doors close and the draw bridge comes up. The rest of the time it is open, subtle, playful and receptive. Equalizing SELF with OTHER is the ultimate wisdom that realizes all phenomena correctly and non- dualistically.
very beautifully put, thank you!!
This was an insightful post. Thank you.
Your posts really make me laugh Angel and remind me how precious Geshe-la’s teaching is bless you xx
😘
Did the chair make you chuckle?
Yes 🙂
I really did make me too 😊 I really love snow flakes so pure and beautiful 😊 Fabulous post xx