Anger ruins our fun

I am sitting on the beach hearing a Russian couple arguing.

They’re missing this!

I can’t really begin to describe what a perfect day it is today, but I can say that it is the best time of year with clear blue sky, turquoise sea, white sand, soft breezes, pelicans, a vast bathtub to swim in with the dolphins, etc… you know the kind of thing. The kind of thing you see on billboards in the subway torturing New Yorkers in the middle of winter.

But this couple is missing all the fun. I noticed their tension the moment they came and stood, for some strange reason, a few feet away from me. Their argument started sotte voce, and then started to get a little louder, and then a little louder. I couldn’t understand a word they were saying as my Russian is not that good (though I do know the word for “cat”), but I still used a quick dip in the ocean as an excuse to leave them to it. Now having got back and snuck farther away, their voices sound even louder than before. And they are now standing with both feet solidly on the sand, hands on hips, not even wanting to look at each other.

Like I said, I have no idea what they are arguing about, and it doesn’t actually matter as it is probably the type of domestic dispute being played out all over the world and I certainly have not been immune to such squabbling myself. But it strikes me that at these times we are making ourselves miss out on all the fun, as DhiDakini suggests in her comment:

Doesn’t it seem strange and so interesting… that we sit in a pleasant moment and worry about things that AREN’T happening right now…?

Missing the bliss…

Nothing but their delusion of anger is currently ruining these two people’s day, perhaps even their entire hard-earned vacation. They might have spent a lot of money to come here and feel miserable.

My teacher Geshe Kelsang says in Introduction to Buddhism:

If our mind is peaceful we will be free from worries and mental discomfort, and so we will experience true happiness; but if our mind is not peaceful we will find it very difficult to be happy, even if we are living in the very best conditions.

If we ponder on simple staring-us-in-the-face illustrations like this how anger ruins our fun, this is one of its most obvious faults, and might give us the incentive to overcome our own anger next time we’re about to ruin the moment with a stupid argument. Some of the other faults of anger may not be quite as obvious — such as the destruction of our good karma and creating the cause to be ugly in future lives — but this one is.

Right now the man is spreadeagled flat on his back, the woman having stormed off back to their (rather nice) hotel. World War III is on hold. I hope he is staring into the space of the sky and calming down, and that he can count his blessings and enjoy his rather spectacular surroundings before it is time to go back to work.

May we all swiftly be freed from the crippling delusion of anger.

Your comments welcome, as always. And please share this article if you like it.

Author: Luna Kadampa

Based on 40 years' experience, I write about applying meditation and modern Buddhism to improve and transform our everyday lives and societies. I try to make it accessible to everyone anywhere who wants more inner peace and profound tools to help our world, not just Buddhists. Do make comments any time and I'll write you back!

9 thoughts on “Anger ruins our fun”

  1. Just saying how cool it is that your kind birthday wishes go out to the very Teacher (Morten) that was the impetus for my previous comment 🙂

    And…this practice of recognizing anger’s pain in an honest way remains so relevant since that particular teaching. I am less surprised but still noting how much of our time is spent ruining our precious human life moments…wishing things to be other than what they are.

    Instead of holding a curiosity: “wow, look at what my mind and thoughts are creating in my present experience…!” – we instead think things like “I wish it were XXXX, or I wish THIS wasn’t happening…”
    …Missing every potential opportunity to make use of what IS actually going on for our spiritual training. Compassion for all of us, right? And, some cheering on we need to give ourselves when we do actually catch it and decide to practice.

    How often do we make a hell realm out of a god realm? (I guess as much as we ruin our human life by missing out on our chance to get out of samsara once and for all!)

    1. I really like your comment, it is so wise. This is a great line: “Instead of holding a curiosity: “wow, look at what my mind and thoughts are creating in my present experience…!” – we instead think things like “I wish it were XXXX, or I wish THIS wasn’t happening…”

  2. That place you are living sounds awful, what with its lovely beaches and warm weather. Are you sure you don’t want to come back to the UK and be my teacher???

      1. When you decide you have burned off enough good karma with your surroundings, just drop me an email and I’ll tell you where to come !! lol 🙂

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