As my teacher says in his wonderful mind-training book Eight Steps to Happiness:
The main reason why we do not cherish all living beings is that we are so preoccupied with ourself, and this leaves very little room in our mind to appreciate others.
It is like you’ve worked hard and paid a fortune for a hotel room with a view, only to discover that this view is entirely obscured by a huge rocky mountain right in front of your window. Self-cherishing is likened in the scriptures to a huge mountain blocking our view of the valley of others, a big shame when we’ve paid a karmic fortune to be in this precious human life.
The awful distraction of self-cherishing cannot be over-estimated and makes us useless to others. Whenever it arises it distracts us to a greater or lesser extent, and sometimes tragically, from the meaning of our lives and the source of real happiness, which is cherishing others.
I had a haircut yesterday and I don’t think Vince (not his real name) cut enough off. Vince was regaling me with a long sad story about an obese employee, and clearly he is a bit of a ham, and I’m not sure if he paid enough attention to my hair. He probably did, but my self-cherishing thinks he should have talked less and
So I open my emails and one is from a friend I haven’t seen in a long time, who was always a bit disturbed but is now sounding flat-out paranoid and threatening suicide. I have to find a way to help her…. I also get an email from a close friend saying that her mother has just had a (mild) stroke and is being kept in the hospital, and that it is a “shock”. And it is, for a few minutes until Madam Mosquito bites again.
Okaaaaaaay……
You’d think those two bits of news would be enough to occupy my mind with thoughts of compassion and how to help, but no, still my self-cherishing wants to veer off those things and back onto the bad hair day and the buzzing mosquito. I have to make an effort to ignore its demands.
(I would like to seguey into a little praise here for my friend, the Buddhist monk Kelsang Nyima. Standing chatting with him outside the NKT mother center Manjushri Centre’s front entrance one day, I noticed his hands were covered with small red welts. Indeed, there was a still a mosquito sucking out his blood. I asked him why he didn’t shoo her away and he replied matter of factly that she was hungry. Then he changed the subject.)
(Check out this blog, where the blogger says the same thing, only better. I don’t think this blogger is a Buddhist, which just goes to show that these teachings are common sense and you don’t have to be a Buddhist to choose cherishing others over self. It works for everyone, every time. Buddha gave some beautiful wise practical advice on how precisely to do it though – and you can read this in
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I was driving a relatively new Toyata Pruis down the expressway. Believe it or not, the highly green Prius is a ‘sexy’ car where I live. I enjoy driving the Prius, it feels good. And it comfortably accommodates my height, even on long drives.
I was on the freeway when I passed a 30 year old car with a ripped rag top roof flapping in the wind. The paint was so old it had no luster left. The bumper might have been tied on with rope. And I developed tremendous pride that I was driving a ‘superior’ car.
But I can’t afford my own car. ‘MY superior car’ was rented… *by the hour* ….
:p
‘Let me offer the victory to others, but please be sure my hair looks hot while I’m doing it.’
I love the honesty of this line
The whole post is wonderful – and this line just cracked me up!
it’s so true and so honest.
Thanks! 🙂
-H
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Luna , i wonder if someday i will be that wise….to forget about “me” and my little world…and begin seriously… to identify myself with my true nature…not with this character i am dreaming to be..that feels bad or sad for trivialities … to really learn how to cherish others… Thanks for this post…<3
Yes, you will.
Very honest of you Luna, ‘Stop you buzzing biting mosquito and let me generate compassion!!! Let me offer the victory to others, but please be sure my hair looks hot while I’m doing it.’ I love it, it’s so true! thank you again for your very clear mirror, and for the blog about the incredibly courageous little boy. I feel totally embarassed for all my daily selfish behaviour and moanings….got to make a start to change these thoughts. Thanks!
Ha ha!! It was rather honest. Good thing I’m anonymous, huh?!?!
This article strikes a cord deep within me. I find myself so guilty of being engrossed in my own little me-me world but when I close my eyes and try to think how hard could it possibly be to step out and break “Free” you know what I discover? I just needed to lift my eyes up and look around. Just as hard as that!
Thanks for sharing my post and for your kind words Luna 🙂 I’m humbled!
Thank you. I am more than happy to share your great article. In fact, here it is again for anyone who may have missed it: http://fruitforbidden.wordpress.com/2011/06/04/i-feel-like-a-jerk-for-complaining/
i feel embarrassed and ashamed that the story of bad hair moves me.
🙂
‘I love mosquitos… in principle’ lol!
😉
Brilliant piece of ‘self-awareness’ – keep them coming!
Alright! There are plenty of other stories I could embarass myself with 😉
Oh how I wish I could remember that cherishing myself is such a waste of time, and really deeply believe it. The blog, from the link near the end of your article broke my heart. I can’t bear to think of children suffering. Children are so easy to develop compassion for, adults on the other hand tend to be a pain in the neck who just stop me getting what I want. That about sums me up. I am so familiar with this view that it is almost impossible to imagine things being any different. Without Buddhadharma and kind Sangha friends I would not even know about self-cherishing, so thank you for reminding me and using real, everyday examples to illustrate your meaning.
Children and kittens.
(Worth remembering that adults are just grown-up children.)
Great article. I actually lived with Nyima and it sounds like something he would say.
True dat.