Here is an article from a guest writer, Kelsang Chogma.
I will explain how Dharma transformed a very difficult situation for me. This may seem like an extreme situation, but
A few years ago my brother was killed in Afghanistan, along with thirteen other soldiers. It was a horrendous death in which their bodies were apparently ‘fragmented’; which meant that they had to be repatriated to the UK before all their parts could be identified using DNA sampling. What this meant for my family, and the other thirteen families, was of course a lot of pain, but through it all I also learned an incredible amount about the truth of Dharma, Buddha’s teachings.
Within a few days each family got to spend time with all fourteen coffins in a make-shift chapel on an RAF base in Scotland. I remember they looked quite beautiful all lined up together in two neat rows of seven, with Union Jack flags draped perfectly in line with each other; and the smell of the wooden coffins filling the room. As I sat there in silence with the rest of my family, we just gazed at the coffins. At first all the coffins were equal to me as I had no idea which one contained my brother’s remains, for all I knew it might be all of them. Each coffin was just as important as all the rest, and in turn my feelings toward the men who’d died felt equal and my mind felt surprisingly peaceful. I started wondering which coffin my brother was in, and I focused on the one nearest to me, wondering if it contained his body. Immediately my mind became unpeaceful and I started getting really upset. What upset me most wasn’t that here might be my brother’s body but that suddenly that one coffin was the only one that mattered and the other thirteen coffins were irrelevant to me, like they didn’t even exist. It came as quite a shock and it just felt so wrong – these were my brother’s friends, his colleagues, who’d died in just the same way; and yet suddenly they didn’t matter. I will never forget that moment when I realised how immediate the painful effect of delusion is in our mind and how horrible it feels to disregard people who really do matter. I reminded myself that I didn’t know which coffin my brother was in and how all these guys were equally important – and my mind became peaceful again. I realised that what I was experiencing was the beautiful peace of equanimity.
Another thing I learned was that even simple meditations done for just a few seconds can have an amazing immediate effect. At my brother’s funeral I was asked to read out fond memories of him that family members had written. I remember sitting in the chapel with his coffin in front of me and a picture of him on the wall above. He was given full military honours and many of his RAF colleagues and other officers were present; with the flag draped over his coffin and his RAF hat laid on top. As the service progressed I could feel myself getting more and more anxious as it came closer to the time for me to get up. I could feel my legs shaking and I didn’t know if I’d be able to even stand, let alone speak. I tried to imagine that my brother’s photo was a picture of Geshe-la, like the one I have
20 Comments
Kelsang Chogma,
Thank you for the clarity of your heart felt teaching on practicing cessation absorption and serene abiding in adverse conditions.
First, resting is like water rushing down a steep decline. Second, like a gently flowing river. Third, like a still ocean.
– Extraordinary Definitive Secret of the Kagyu Masters
Thank you for sharing your experince, it is so helpful and encorraging. love Maitri.
well said Eileen about the pain and running into samsara a lot of me me me the I is strong at moments like this .Looking at our intention at moments that happen day to day with equanimity (the good and the bad) and feel love and try to be none judgemental .
I really like your story, and like your realization that our body doesn’t exist inherently, and how when you focused on your brother alone, rather than all the soldiers, it actually made you more unpeaceful. I feel similar experiences.
Excellent ….what a profound and full of wisdom article,thanks Luna for sharing : )
Thankyou.
Dharma helps us most when we can tap into it at the most stressful times. Thank you for sharing.
So true. At least, its help is most obvious at those times.
Hearing how others practice in all types of situations is a such a cause of rejoicing for me.
The equanimity with all the coffins is a very powerful image. Thank you so much for the post.
That’s why I like these guest articles.
From the depth of my heart i rejoice in your ability and practice in being a source of peace for your family and the loved ones of all those at the service. there is definitely much Dharma for us to contemplate and learn from your experience. thank you so much for sharing and much love to all.
Thank you what a beautiful and heartfelt post. xx
Thanks everyone for your supportive comments, it means a lot. Refuge in Sangha is so important, and we’re SO lucky to have Sangha all over the world. With our worldwide Kadampa family there’s someone to turn to at every hour of the day and night – it’s like a 24 hour Sangha helpline 🙂
beautiful and inspiring .thank you chogma .from liz
Thank you so much for sharing. This is pure wisdom and buddha’s blessings to all that read.
Very powerful entry. I felt especially moved when you talked about the importance of refuge. I connected with the feelings and sentiments behind the words. I’m glad you are doing this. I’m going to follow this blog and your twitter. I am just starting a blog on Buddhism. Matthew, the teacher at VMC, told me about your blog and encouraged me to read it to better my own blog. My blog is at http://bodhitreeblog.com Thanks!
that is so beautiful. Thank you. Peace be with you all.
From my ownside- Dharma helps peel away the layers that keep us from accepting our karma for exactly what it is. Dharma practice is being able to be present with a strong heart in uncertain times.
Much love and compassion to you for having the kindness to share such raw honesty.
May Buddha bless our minds.
You must be so very strong and brave for sharing this. I will keep you in my prayers.
How incisive and inspirational. A lot to contemplate. One of the things that strikes me is that the more you go ‘No no no!’ to bad things that happen ‘in samsara’, the more pain you feel and I think, the more you are effectively running into samsara and not out of it. With recognition, acceptance and real refuge, you can see where you are really at and what you really need to escape from. Easy to say but another thing I personally need to work very hard on.
Also the lesson within about how our perception of inherent existence, of bodies for example, is faulty and this is shown, I think, by how many of us find death so hard to get our heads round (judging by myself and things family members have said), the fact that a body and person can be there one minute and gone the next. It doesn’t make sense and that surely must be because of our faulty perception.
Thank you very much to this Nun for telling us this.